my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
