I cannot find my penis.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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