What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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