Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
