you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
