ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
