I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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