ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
