I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
