I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
