why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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