You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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