Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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