just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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