Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
