well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
