he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
