The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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