I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
