Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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