i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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