You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
