very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
