My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
