You can't motorboat a personality
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
