He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
