I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
