Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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