What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
