so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
