he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
