The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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