i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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