Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
