She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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