I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
