I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
