No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
