he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
