Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
