I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
