apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is the high leading the old right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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