it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
