I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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