I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
