Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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