on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
