I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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