from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
