so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
