connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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