I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
