The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
