I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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