Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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