Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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