Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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