evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
